


The Last Goodbye

by parisw_1989



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parisw_1989/pseuds/parisw_1989
Summary: Spencer and the readers' relationship over the years told through their firsts.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Gender Neutral Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	The Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This one is mostly fluffy but angsty in places too. Talk of major character death and not necessarily a happy ending. Mentions of smut but only hinted at as I wanted to be able to keep it gender neutral. Originally posted on my tumblr fortheloveofcriminalminds

**The First Sight**

It was winter in DC and the snow had rolled in a few days previous bringing with it icy temperatures. You pulled your scarf tighter around your neck as you headed up the steps of the public library. A shiver passed up your spine.

You waved hello to the librarian on the front desk, most of your Saturdays were spent in the confines of the library and you’d long ago become friendly with the old woman.

You made your way straight to the literature section, balancing books in one hand and your coffee in the other. You navigated the aisles with ease, you never felt more at home than when you were within the library walls. 

Once you’d picked out your reading material for the morning, you headed to the armchair next to the large window where you always sat. There were actually two old, battered armchairs in the private alcove but usually you had the space to yourself.

Not today.

There was a scruffy haired man in the other chair, long legs tucked under him, tatty converse hanging off the cushion. His hair fell over his face as he read a book perched in his lap. He turned the pages at such a rate you couldn’t believe he was actually reading the words in front of him. 

You were a little downtrodden to find your happy space occupied but tried to ignore the intruder, reminding yourself it was a  _ public  _ library as you made your way to the other chair opposite. 

You set your books and coffee on the window ledge while you got comfortable. You selected the book on top of the pile and as you sat back to open it, you noticed the man opposite staring at you.

He was so brazen, not even trying to hide the fact he was staring. It made you uncomfortable, mostly because he was  _ incredibly  _ attractive and you felt insecure under his gaze. 

You tried to ignore it and turned your attention back to your book. You opened the cover as you sipped your coffee and started to read. 

You felt his eyes on you for the time it took you to read four pages of your book and then suddenly you felt a cold and you looked up to see him looking back at his book. 

You shook it off and tried to focus on reading. You stayed for several hours as did he, in fact he was still there when you finally called it a day and left. 

You had a voice in the back of your head the whole way home telling you, you should have spoken to him. You tried to shrug it off. There would be other times.

At least you hoped there would be.

  
  


**The First Words**

You frequented the library every Saturday as normal for the next month and a half with no further sightings of the mystery man. 

This Saturday was no different. You found your space empty again and settled down in the armchair, once again slightly discouraged he wasn’t there once more. Maybe you’d blown your only chance. 

You suppose it was your own fault, you couldn’t expect him to make the first move. You should have said something and maybe you wouldn’t always have to wonder. 

You were half way through your first book when you felt a presence looming over you. Slowly you tore your gaze away from the page and looked up at the messy haired, converse wearing man from several weeks ago. 

He had large, expressive eyes and a half-smile on his sinfully plump lips. He paired his converse with brown slacks, a navy shirt and sweat vest. He looked like a college professor. 

When your eyes met he held out a takeout cup of coffee in your direction. And then he spoke the first words he would ever speak to you.

“You struck me as a black coffee drinker.” His smile widened as he motioned you to take the cup.

You did, cautiously, sniffing the strong contents. 

“Thank you. And you were struck correctly, black is the only way I take my coffee.”

“I find coffee to be its own language.” He shrugged. “I’m Spencer by the way. Spencer Reid.”

You sipped the coffee, it tasted glorious but it was nothing compared to the warmth you got from the smile Spencer was giving you.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Beautiful.” He breathed. “It suits you.” 

You felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment and you tried to hide it by looking away and taking another sip of your coffee.

“Thanks.” You whispered.

“Do you come here every week?” He moved across to the other armchair and sat on the edge, never taking his eyes off you. 

“Mostly if I don’t have anything else on. I love the atmosphere here. It helps me focus.” 

He was listening intently, like you were the most interesting person in the world. 

“I’d like to come here more, but my job is so hectic.” 

“What do you do?”

And just like that your book was all but forgotten. You and Spencer spent the rest of the morning chatting quietly surrounded by books. After he took you for coffee down the street. You exchanged phone numbers and he told you he’d take you out for dinner as soon as his work schedule allowed.

And you couldn’t wait to see him again.

  
  


**The First Date**

Two weeks after your day spent in the library with Spencer, he had a weekend off work and tonight he was taking you for dinner at an extremely posh restaurant in central DC. 

You changed your outfit several times, not wanting to look either under or over dressed for the occasion.

Once you settled on an outfit and wrapped up in a warm coat and scarf, you braved the frigid weather and hailed a cab on the street outside your apartment. 

Traffic wasn’t on your side and you were fifteen minutes late by the time you finally pulled up at the restaurant. 

Your hands were shaking as you approached the door and it had nothing to do with the weather. 

The warm air of the restaurant hit you as you stepped inside and you felt your face start to immediately defrost. 

The host smiled at you, a warm and friendly smile. 

“Do you have a reservation?” He asked softly.

“Yes I believe it’s under Reid. R-E-I-D.” You spelt it out, but you weren’t sure why. 

He looked down at his book, ran his finger down the page and then looked back up with a smile.

“Ah yes, your dining partner is already here. Can I take your coat?”

You nodded, a wave of nerves rushing over you. You shrugged off your coat and scarf and gave them to the host. He hung them up before motioning for you to follow him. 

As soon as you saw Spencer dressed in a suit and tie, his hair swept back off his face, your heart started to race. You had no idea why this gorgeous man wanted to take  _ you  _ for dinner.

As soon as he saw you, his whole face lit up and a large smile came to his lips. He pushed his chair back and stood from the table. 

“Y/N,” he breathed your name. “You look amazing.” 

“So do you.” You blushed a little.

There was an awkward moment where he stepped a little closer, wondering if he should embrace you or not but he clearly decided it was too forward of him so he stepped back again. 

“Can I get you a wine menu?” The host spoke, startling the two of you a little.

“Huh?” Spencer snapped his gaze from you to him. “Oh, yes please.” 

The host gave you both a smile and a small nod and took his leave. 

Spencer came around the table and pulled your chair out for you. You couldn’t help the slight blush that spread to your cheeks.

“Thank you.” You mumbled as you took a seat. “I’m sorry I was late. Traffic was a nightmare.” 

Spencer sat opposite you and smiled.

“It’s ok, the important thing is you're here now.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. To him you were the most mesmerising person in the room. 

The host soon brought over the wine menu and you decided between you on a bottle of red. 

After the initial awkwardness you fell into easy conservation. He told you about his job at the BAU, and you told him about yours. You spoke at length of your favourite books and authors, your respective childhoods and educations. There was barely a moment of silence between you the whole meal. 

You felt completely and utterly relaxed in Spencer’s company.

***

Spencer insisted on paying the check even though you tried to argue otherwise. He helped you up from the table and into your coat.

You took a stroll through the park, conversation still flowing naturally. He walked you home and only once outside your apartment, did the awkwardness return.

“I’ve had such a lovely time.” He smiled softly at you, his beautiful features illuminated perfectly by the street lamp overhead. 

“So have I.” You returned his smile. 

He stepped closer awkwardly like he had done when you arrived at the restaurant. He lifted his arms slightly, looking as though he was going to hug you.

You stepped closer, into his arms and he wrapped them loosely around you, not sure if he was crossing a line with physical contact.

The embrace was short and a little cumbersome but you did enjoy the feeling of his chest pressed against yours even if it was only brief. 

He stepped back and chewed his lip.

“I’ll call you as soon as I have a break in my schedule. Assuming you want to do this again?”

“I’d love to do this again.” You beamed at him.

“Ok good.” A wave of relief washed over his features. 

“Thank you again Spencer. I’ll see you soon.”

“You’re welcome Y/N. You’re so very welcome.”

  
  


**The First Kiss**

Your second date consisted of dinner and the movies. For your third the two of you spent the afternoon ambling around an art gallery and then got coffee. 

When Spencer walked you home on your third date, he stepped in for the hug once more which had gotten slightly less awkward by now.

He pulled back but kept his arms around you, smiling at you.

“You know, every time I look at you, I am blown away by how beautiful you are.” 

His words made a deep blush spread on your cheeks and subconsciously you found your eyes land on his lips. 

His eyes found your lips too and he started inching closer to you, as if in slow motion. 

Your eyes closed and seconds later you felt his warm, plump lips press against your own. It was cliche to say, but you felt a spark as your lips met. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands moved to cup your face as the kiss intensified. For a few minutes, the two of you were the only ones in the world, wrapped up in nothing but the feeling of each other.

When he pulled back, Spencer stroked your cheek.

“I hope it was ok that I did that.” He smiled bashfully. 

“It was more than ok.”  _ It was perfect.  _

“Good.” He kissed you softly once more. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“The night doesn’t have to end here.” You smirked at him, pulling at what little confidence you had.

You took hold of Spencer’s hand and he let you lead him inside and upstairs to your apartment. 

Your lips found their way back to one another's once the door was closed behind you but this time it was more heated. Desire was the friction between your bodies as you started helping Spencer out of his shirt. Running your fingertips over the warm skin of his chest sent electric pulses through your body.

You had never needed another person this way. Your body was aching for him, screaming to be touched  _ everywhere _ by him. 

And he was clearly happy to comply as he gently laid you back to the bed and started helping you out of your clothes. 

You swore some kind of magic took place in your bedroom that night. Spencer took his time to explore every inch of you. He was gentle and slow and kept checking in that you were ok and you were sure this was what you wanted.

_ Boy, were you sure.  _

Spencer made you feel good in a way you’d never felt before. Your bodies moved together in such a wonderful synchronicity you’d never experienced, as though somehow the two of you were meant to be long before you’d even met. 

Afterwards, heavy with sleep and bliss, you curled into him, laying your head on his chest. He wrapped you in his deceptively strong arms and kissed your head, still checking you were ok even after the fact. 

You would remember that night for as long as you both lived. It was like an awakening; a realisation that this was where you’d always meant to be. 

Spencer Reid was your future, you knew that now with every fibre of your being. 

  
  
  


**The First “I Love You”**

He’d known pretty early on he was in love with you. Spencer was a romantic and he fell hard and fast. 

After your first time together, he knew he didn’t ever want to experience that kind of intimacy with another human being. He knew you were the only person that could make him feel that way.

He wasn’t sure  _ when _ exactly he’d realised the extent of his feelings for you. But it was certainly quick, within weeks really, probably before the first time you were intimate. 

It was three months into dating he finally told you, quite by accident really. 

He’d invited you over and cooked dinner for you, a recipe he’d gotten from his colleague David Rossi he would later tell you. 

You ate and shared a bottle of wine and then retired to the couch to read together. You laid with your head in Spencer’s lap and he stroked your hair with his free hand. 

You were rereading  _ To Kill a Mockingbird _ for the umpteenth time. It was your go to book. You knew it verbatim but that didn’t stop you enjoying every reread.

“God I love this book.” you mumbled turning the page.

“And I love you.” it just slipped out. He hadn’t meant it to come out this way and for a moment he didn’t even realise it was the first time he’d ever said that to you.

But then you were sitting up, staring at him, the book hanging loosely from your fingers.

“What did you say?” you croaked. Surely you must have heard him wrong? He couldn’t have said what you thought he’d said, could he?

The look on your face made the realisation of what he’d said dawn on him. He put his book in his lap, chewing his bottom lip like he always did when he was nervous. 

“I uhm...I well I...I didn’t mean it to come out like that.” he swallowed, his mouth suddenly extremely dry.

“Did you mean it?” 

“What?” he frowned. “Of course I meant it!”

You chewed your lip now. Of course you loved Spencer, you felt as though you had loved Spencer your entire life. But you hadn’t been expecting for him to blurt it out like that. 

He took hold of your hands and held them tightly. You always loved how his hands were so much bigger than yours. 

“Y/N, I love you so much it makes me dizzy. I have  _ never  _ felt like this before about anyone and I know I never will. I wanted the first time I told you to be perfect.”

“It was perfect.” You smiled at him. “And for the record, I love you too.” 

“Yeah?” His lip twitched in a smile.

“Yes Spencer.” You laughed and he pulled you close so he could kiss you. 

So it wasn’t how he’d meant it to come out, but sometimes these things just happened. And he couldn’t be happier now it was finally out there. 

  
  
  


**The First Goodbye**

Being that you and Spencer were both passive people, fights weren’t commonplace in your fledgling relationship. 

In fact, your first fight didn’t occur until nearly eight months of dating. Due to your passive natures, you often let issues bubble under the surface. Maybe you’d been stewing on this for a while and finally couldn’t take anymore. 

You understood when you met Spencer that his job was first priority and you admire that about him. His dedication to the bureau and putting bad guys behind bars was part of the reason you fell in love with him. 

But it was hard. Falling in love with an FBI agent came with a lot of cancelled plans and even more lonely nights. Most of the time you could handle it, but this time it was too much. He’d  _ promised  _ he would be there and he wasn’t.

He had a spare key to your apartment so you weren’t surprised when you heard a key turning in the lock in the middle of the night. 

You weren’t sleeping, you were too mad to sleep. So when you heard the door open you jumped out of bed and stormed into the living room as he was closing the door.

“What’s the excuse this time?” You folded your arms across your chest. 

Spencer looked exhausted, completely drained. A part of you said it wasn’t the time for this, let him sleep first, but your anger won out.

“You know what the “excuse” is Y/N.” He sighed. “Work. It’s always work.” 

“I think I have been very patient and understanding of your job Spencer.” you stepped a little further into the room. “But this one time...you promised you would be there and you weren’t.”

“I tried Y/N, I really tried. But we’re a man down and I couldn’t get away.” he sounded defeated already. He wanted to diffuse this situation as quickly as humanly possible so he could go to sleep.

You however, were wide awake and ready for a fight.

“You should have tried harder.” you spat with a little more venom than you’d meant to. 

“You don’t think I tried as hard as I could? You think I  _ wanted  _ to miss this?”

“I don’t know Spencer, maybe you did.”

“Oh come on Y/N.” he stepped across the room, coming closer to you. “I wanted to be there more than anything, you know that.”

“Well that doesn’t help Spencer.” you unfolded your arms and let them drop to your sides. “My parents came all the way here from LA to meet  _ you  _ Spencer. And you weren’t there. My mom kept asking me if I really wanted to date a man who couldn’t make me his main priority. I tried to insist how important your job was and how I understood but I’m not so sure I do anymore Spencer.” 

His face fell at your words and he bit down hard on his bottom lip.

“If you can’t understand my job Y/N I don’t know what to say to you.” he frowned. “You know how important my job is to me. At least I thought you did. I know it isn’t easy, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you when I’m not here but you knew the deal when we first met. This is  _ me _ , my job is who I am Y/N. and if you can’t accept that…” he trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.

“What Spencer?” you narrowed your eyes on him. “If I can’t accept it then what?” you were challenging him, it was as though you  _ wanted  _ him to break up with you. Of course you didn’t but you couldn’t help but goad him. 

“Y/N, please just understand.” He tried to steer you in another direction.

“If I can’t accept it then what?” You repeated, raising your voice slightly. “You’ll break up with me? Is that it?” 

He sighed again.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You may as well have done.” 

“My job comes first. I’m sorry, but that’s how it is. I need someone that can understand that.”

“You didn’t answer the question.” You folded your arms again.

“I didn’t think it warranted an answer.”

“I think you should leave.” The words came out before you were sure you were going to speak them. 

They hung between you like a stale smell, permeating the room. Spencer stared at you, trying to work out if you meant it or not.

“You want me to leave?” He asked in clarification.

“Yes.” You confirmed. “Permanently.”

One single word hit him like a ton of bricks and he physically stumbled backwards.

“You...you’re...breaking up with me?”

Is that what you were doing? Were you breaking up with him?

“Yes.” You croaked. Why? Why were you doing this? You weren’t even sure yourself.

“Wow.” Spencer sniffed. “Thank you for not disappointing me.” He suddenly turned on his heels and headed to the door.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You followed him.

He flung open the door and stepped into the hallway.

“It means I should have known you were no different. I probably did know which is why I’m not disappointed. No one can handle my job, even you. Despite the fact you tried to convince me otherwise.” 

“Screw you.” You spat at him, grasping the door frame with white knuckles. “I have been nothing but patient and understanding with you for eight months. But this was important to me Spencer, and if you can’t get that then we’re just wasting each other’s time here.”

“I hate wasting my time.” He practically growled and then he turned away from you and stormed down the corridor away from you. 

You wanted to scream at him, yell and shout and kick and make a fuss. But you didn’t. You simply slammed the door closed, loud enough for him to still hear. And then you fell to the floor and sobbed. 

  
  


**The First Makeup**

For the following two weeks after your break up you went about life on autopilot. Eight months had felt like eight  _ years _ . Suddenly you couldn’t remember what your life was like before you’d met Spencer. 

You went to work. You saw your friends. You still visited the library. You carried on like normal, as though your whole world hadn’t come crumbling down around you. 

You’d been hasty, over dramatic really. Yes you’d been mad but you hadn’t been mad enough to end things with Spencer. And you’d regret it every day since. 

You tried to call and text him several times to no avail. He didn’t want to talk to you and you understood why. You’d been just like everyone else in his life when he’d needed you to be different. 

The next few weeks got a little better. You had made a decision and your time was being filled with making sure it was executed flawlessly. You couldn’t live without Spencer, you knew that now and you were going to do everything in your power to make it up to him. 

Little over a month after your break up you sat in your usual chair of the library on a sunny Sunday morning. You were nervous, you hoped everything was going to plan.

Tapping your foot on the ground in impatience, you were startled out of your thoughts when you recognised a bubbly voice you had first accosted outside the Quantico headquarters a few weeks ago.

_ “Excuse me?” _

_ “Oh my gosh! Don’t jump out on a girl like that! You’re lucky I don’t carry a gun.”  _

_ “I’m so sorry, but you don’t happen to know Spencer Reid do you?” You chewed your lip, feeling foolish for even being here. _

_ The brightly dressed blonde squinted at you behind her thick framed glasses for a few seconds before her face contorted into realisation. _

_ “You’re her!” She gasped. “You’re the her. The her from the photo!” _

_ “Photo?” _

_ “Reid used to keep a photo of the two of you together on his desk. You’re her!” She squealed a little. “Oh please tell me you’re here to pull him out of this slump. He’s missed you like crazy. He won’t admit it but we can all tell.” _

_ She was talking a hundred miles a minute and you tried to keep up. _

_ “Uhm...yes actually. I could use with some help.” _

_ “Gosh yes! I love Junior G Man like a brother, I would do anything to help put a smile back on that face!” _

_ “Great.” You smiled. _

_ “Oh!” She stepped forward and held out her hand, fingers clad with large rings. “Penelope Garcia.” _

_ “Y/N Y/L/N.” You shook her hand. _

_ “Ok Y/N,” she grinned. “What do you need me to do?” _

“Why are we here Garcia?” Spencer’s whispered voice carried to your ears and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. 

“Would you just be quiet giant brain? Just for a moment. Garcia’s grand plan will all be revealed.”

Their footsteps got closer and you shot up from your chair and smoothed down your shirt with shaking hands. You held the coffee cup out ready.

Spencer and Garcia rounded the corner. She was beaming from ear to ear but his face fell when he saw you.

“Garcia,” he turned to her. “What is this all about?”

“Goodbye my loves!” She beamed before backing up and disappearing back around an aisle of books.

“Y/N, what is going-“

“I find coffee to be its own language.” You cut him off, offering him the same line he’d given you the first time you spoke. “And I couldn’t think of a way to say sorry in my native tongue. So I’m hoping the coffee will do the talking for me.”

He took the coffee from your hand.

“I do like coffee.”

“I know.” You half-smiled. “I miss you Spence. I thought maybe if I got you back where it all began, we could...I don’t know...start over?”

“My job hasn’t changed Y/N, it’s still just as demanding on my time.”

“I know.” You nodded. “I was out of line. I don’t know where that came from. Please Spencer, give us another chance. Try the coffee, I’m sure it has more to say.”

He sipped the coffee. The perfect blend of beans and sugar.

“It tastes like apologies.” 

“Good.”

“I missed you too by the way.” He shrugged. “Do you really think you can accept my job?”

“Yes.” You were quick to say. “Most definitely. Being without you while you're away on a case is something I can deal with. Being without you forever...I can’t do that Spencer.”

He took another sip of coffee. It was easy really to forgive you. He missed you like he would miss a limb if he suddenly lost it. You were the love of his life and he knew if he got a second chance with you he would never turn it down. He was just too in love with you.

“Hmmm that tasted like I love you.” He smiled. “Why don’t you let me show you.”

And with that he stepped closer, using his free hand to cup your face and he kissed you with urgency and passion. 

“I can taste it.” You mumbled into his lips. “I can taste the love.”

  
  


**The First Home**

After you and Spencer made up things were better than ever between you. You all but moved into his apartment, it was never official but over time you spent less and less time in your own apartment. 

The only issue was, Spencer’s apartment was a great size when it was just him, but for the two of you it left a lot to be desired.

So you brought a house together just shy of your two year anniversary. 

You chose Cleveland Park in DC as it was a nice, friendly area near some great schools for any future children you might have. Spencer had long ago expressed his desire for two kids, so you decided on a three bedroom walk up with a large yard. 

You made it your home. One bedroom was used as a spare although it was more like a bed surrounded by a library and the other as Spencer’s office. 

You decorated to both of your tastes, you built furniture and even planted flowers in the garden. 

It was your own corner of the world and you loved that you got to share it with him. 

You got a cat named Mildred, a black and white three year old you adopted from the pound. 

Derek came and fitted a cat flap as Spencer didn’t even know where to begin. 

It was nice to have the cat for company when Spencer was away on cases. It was comforting to be surrounded by his things. 

On nights he was home you curled up on the couch and read together or watch movies. You made love on every available surface, in every room of the house. 

It was perfect, it was everything you’d ever dreamed of and more. Every day in your home with Spencer and Mildred was pure bliss.

Of all your firsts, this was probably your favourite. This was the start of the rest of your lives together. This would be the home you would grow old in, raise your kids in. There were so many more firsts to be had within these walls and you couldn’t wait to see what happened next. At least that’s what you thought at the time. Of course back then you had no idea the curveball life would throw at you. But that would come later.

You also had no idea that your next first would take place in the BAU offices. 

  
  
  


**The First Work Visit**

It was funny, you thought, as you made your way up in the elevator to the BAU floor at Quantico, that in three years you’d never visited Spencer’s workplace. You supposed he didn’t spend much time here himself, he was usually out on cases across the country rather than hauled up at Quantico. 

He’d called this afternoon to say they were heading back from New York and could you meet him at the office. He wanted to show you around and then take you for dinner nearby. You’d obliged, not thinking much of it, until now.

Your confusion hit as the elevator slowed to a stop. The doors opened and you were met by near complete darkness. You cautiously stepped out onto the floor with a frown. It was deathly quiet, as though everyone had gone home. You did have the right floor didn’t you?

Before you could check your phone for Spencer’s message, a piece of paper on the floor caught your eye. It was cut in the shape of an arrow and taped to the floor. 

Your frown deepened, what the hell was going on? Despite the confusion you followed the direction the arrow was pointing through a set of glass double doors. Inside you assumed was what Spencer referred to as the  _ Bull Pen, _ as it was set out with around a dozen desks. There was another paper arrow on the floor which you followed through the row of desks.

You started to hear faint music coming from a nearby room. There was also a dim light coming from within the same room. Your brows were heavily furrowed now as you crept up the four steps to the second level and passed two closed office doors. 

The music was getting louder and you could now tell by the flicker that the dim light was coming from candles.

You reached the open door where the sound and light were coming from and your heart skipped several beats and your jaw dropped. 

Red roses petals scattered every inch of the floor and there was a ring of candles on the round table in the middle of the room. On the side was the vinyl player from Spencer’s apartment, the dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra filling the room. 

Spencer was next to the table in a suit and tie holding a huge bouquet of red roses. He was smiling brightly at you.

“Welcome to the BAU.” 

“Is this how you welcome all your visitors?” You laughed a little nervously.

“Only the ones I love.” He put the bouquet on the table and came close to you, taking hold of your hands. “Only the ones I want to spend the rest of my life with.” 

His words made it all click into place and tears immediately filled your eyes.

“Spencer,” you croaked but he shook his head to silence you. 

He kissed you softly and then let go of your hands.

And then he was getting down on one knee amongst the rose petals and produced a ring box from his jacket pocket.

Your tears overflowed and your hands went to your face as you gasped. He opened the ring box revealing a beautiful vintage diamond ring nestled inside.

“Y/N Y/L/N-“

“Oh my gosh.” You gasped again. 

“Will you make me the happiest man alive and say you’ll marry me?” 

Your tears cascaded down your face as he took hold of your left hand. This was the happiest moment of your whole life and you wanted to savour every part of it. 

“Oh my gosh Spence!” You sniffed. “Of course! Yes I’ll marry you!” You practically screeched.

Spencer beamed and slid the ring on your finger, it fit like a glove. 

He stood up and enveloped you in his arms, kissing you passionately. 

“I love you so much Y/N.” 

“I love you too Spence, and I cannot wait to be married to you.” 

  
  


**The First Child**

You married less than a year after Spencer proposed in an intimate gathering at Rossi’s and it was perfect. 

Being married to Spencer, being Y/N Reid, made you happier than you ever dreamed possible. You and Spencer completed each other, you were two halves of a whole. You didn’t think it was possible to have a more perfect life than the one you’d created together over the years.

That was until the day you brought your first child home from the hospital.

Spencer had your baby daughter cradled in his arms as you unlocked the front door and you stepped inside as the  _ three _ of you for the very first time. 

Addison Reid was sleeping soundly in her fathers arms as you both quietly made your way upstairs. 

In the bedroom, you watched Spencer gently lay your newborn in the cot next to your bed. You both stood staring down at the beautiful little girl, your daughter, marvelling at how tiny and perfect she was.

“I can’t believe how much I love her already.” Spencer sniffed back tears. 

“She’s just so perfect.” You agreed, tears swimming in your own eyes. 

“I didn’t think our lives were missing anything until I met her.” 

“She’s the missing puzzle piece we never knew we were missing.” 

Spencer looked up at you across the crib with a large smile. He reached for your hand and you let him take it. He led you to the bed where you both curled up on your side facing Addison’s crib. 

Spencer spooned you from behind, one arm under your pillow and the other around your waist.

You entwined your fingers with his and sighed in content. 

Before you met Spencer you weren’t even sure what happiness was. It was a concept you’d heard of, a far off distant land which you’d never quite been able to reach.

But as you laid in his arms, listening to the soft breathing of your newborn daughter, you knew you’d found it. 

If only you knew then that it would be snatched away all too soon.

  
  


**The First Diagnosis**

At only forty five years old he never expected to get this kind of news. He’d had so many more firsts he had see. 

His daughter's first day of high school. Her graduation. Her first day of college. Her first partner. Her first kid.  _ His  _ first grandchild. 

But it had all been snatched away with one visit to the doctors office.

The words  _ terminal  _ and  _ incurable  _ were thrown around a lot. They seemed to be used so casually as though it wasn’t ruining his whole life. 

He left the doctors office in a daze. He’d left the BAU a few years ago to focus on teaching full time. He’d done it so he could spend more time with you and Addison, to take himself out of harm's way. 

How painfully ironic was this? 

How was he supposed to tell you and your daughter that he wasn’t going to be around much longer? How was he going to tell you that the future you’d had planned together was to be cut short? 

Dinner that night was stifled. You and Addison were happily chatting like you didn’t have a care in the world while he was carrying this huge weight on his shoulders. 

“What’s up with you?” You asked later as you sat next to him on the bed. You put your hand on his knee. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”

Spencer sighed, tears brimming in his eyes that he’d tried desperately to keep at bay since leaving the doctors. 

“Baby?” You could see the concern written on his features and you felt your heart rate increase. “What is it?”

He sighed as a few tears rolled from his eyes. 

“I’m dying.” He choked on the words, causing more tears to fall.

“What?” You frowned, you must have heard him wrong.

“I went to the doctors today for a check up. They say I’m sick. Terminal. They say I have less than a year.” The dam well and truly broke and his tears cascaded from his eyes and down his face. 

You wanted to laugh, because this had to be some kind of sick joke didn’t it? But you could tell by the look on his face, he was far from joking.

“Oh my god.” Your own eyes leaked and you pulled your husband close. “Are they sure? Really sure? They must be able to do something.”

“They’re sure and there isn’t.” He buried his head into your shoulder. “I’m going to die.” 

“No, no this can’t be happening.” You sobbed. “We have to do something! There has to be something we can do!”

“There isn’t.” He looked back up at you, his eyes held more sadness than you had ever known. “We have to just make the most of the time we have left.” 

You engulfed him in your arms and the two of you fell back to the bed sobbing. 

One day had turned your idyllic life on its head. Everything you knew this morning when you’d woken up had been shattered; your dreams for the future dashed. All in a matter of minutes. 

You knew you had to make the most of the time you had left with your husband but right now all you wanted to do was stay curled up in a ball sobbing, until everything went back to normal. 

But it never would.

  
  


**The Last Goodbye**

_ Y/N, _

_ You know that words sometimes fail me. You know sometimes when I go to speak, my brain and my mouth aren’t on the same page and often my words will come out jumbled and make no sense. The best way I saw of making sense of this was to write you a letter.  _

_ Over time, words I speak will fade, you won't remember them clearly and eventually not at all. If I write them down you can keep them forever. Whenever you miss me or you’re feeling sad, you’ll be able to read this and hopefully it will provide some comfort. _

_ My dad wrote me a letter when he left and so did Gideon, they provided little comfort if truth be told. But at least I had a permanent reminder of their departure.  _

_ The years we’ve spent together have been the best of my life. That day I went to the library, I had no idea my whole world would change.  _

_ Ours was one of the great love stories. Meeting someone when you least expect it, falling head over heels in love and spending our years together building a home with a beautiful daughter. Unfortunately I have found that all good love stories usually meet a tragic end, take Romeo and Juliet or Anna Karenina or even Madame Bovary.  _

_ Sadly, this is our tragedy, my diagnosis. And as I come to the end of my time on this plane of existence, the only thing that fills me with comfort is thoughts of our life together.  _

_ Do you remember the first time we went to Vegas and you met my mom for the first time? She loved you from the second you met, she told me she could see how happy you made me and she’d love you forever for that. _

_ Or our first dance at our wedding under the gazebo in Rossi’s yard. “The Way You Look Tonight” was playing and all our friends and family were watching and I was so nervous I was going to trip and fall but you kept telling me I was doing great.  _

_ Our first proper vacation stands out in mind. I’d never been a beach person but you insisted I’d love it and I did. Mostly because you were there, sunbathing in next to nothing and how could a guy not love that? _

_ We had so many firsts together and I will treasure each and every one of them. I only wish we’d had more. I’m so sorry this had to happen to us. But try and remember the years we did have. The smiles and the laughs. I wish we’d had longer but unfortunately the universe had other plans.  _

_ I want you to be happy, I hope this doesn’t break you completely. Look at Addison and remember our amazing life together and try and smile. Please, don’t deny the world your incredible smile. _

_ Please tell Addy stories about me, I know you will. Make sure she knows how much I love her, how much I will always love her even when I’m not around.  _

_ Thank you for everything you’ve given me. Meeting you gave me hope and it made me realise that true happiness does exist and I’ll always be grateful for that. You changed my whole world Y/N and I love you more than you will ever know. _

_ My time is coming, I can feel it. My body is giving up on me. The end is near for me, but you and Addy still have so many more years left. Don’t waste them grieving me please.  _

_ I hope this letter offers you some semblance of peace.  _

_ Goodbye my love, my greatest love; my forever love.  _

_ Your loving husband, _

_ Spencer W Reid. _

  
  
  



End file.
